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Wrestling Today's Date:

Falls Count Anywhere


All of those votes came from a Mr. Gris Charcia...
Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere! My name is Chris and I got 10 Votes for a Hugo Award!

I was entertained, more so than with RAW this week. There was some nice stuff, though there was some strange stuff as well. We opened with Booker T coming out with Sharmell to take on Joey Mercury who came out with Melina, Jillian Hall (and the Stupidest Gimmick on Earth) and Nitro. They had a fun match, as Mercury is the better bumped of the MNM crew. Nitro and Jillian were told to leave the ringside area by Slick Nick Patrick, which was nice. The guy had a fun match with a little bit of this and that. Crowd got behind Booker when Mercury had a choke on him. The pair worked a smart match with Booker controlling much of it with his flying forearm and kicks. Melina distracted the ref and Mercury rolled Booker up like he did last week, but Booker kicked out and hit the Spinerooni to a big pop, followed by the Axe Kick and finally the Bookend for the win.

The Peep Show was up and Christian got to play his ‘I’m overlooked!’ character saying that he didn’t have a match at SummerSlam with Batista as his guest. This was a good segment, though Batista really didn’t do much. Christian said he was the highest draft pick in the history of the Lottery, which annoyed Batista no end. Christian said something about playing pocket pool. The two of them set up a match for later in the night. Good stuff to build for the night, but it didn’t put any heat on the SummerSlam match which needs it right now.

They showed a great commercial for next week’s RAW. They talked about Hogan and Angle and Carlito vs. Cena vs. Jericho for the belt. This is a smart move, though I think they’d have been better off doing the big show a full two weeks before SummerSlam, but it might just up the buys if they pull it off.

Suitable for swiping for an Image Comic...
The strangest tag team push in ages continues with Animal and Heindenreich beating two jobbers. I get it; they’re trying to recreate the feeling of the original Road Warriors with all the Mike Jackson squashes they did, and I admit that it’s something we haven’t seen in years on either of the big shows (save for the Kurt Angle Invitational), but it doesn’t really work for me.

This one went a little longer than usual, but it was still the same squash. They used the Doomsday Device and the poor jabroni nearly landed on the top of his head. That reminds me of the 1996-7 matches where every Japanese Jr. Heavyweight wrestler took turns dropping El Samurai on his head off the top rope. It happened like six big matches in a row. I wonder whatever happened to El Samurai?

Rey and his wife arrived with Dominic. They looked troubled. Theodore R. Long was in the back and Randy Orton came and Teddy said that he’d be facing one of the Undertaker’s legendary opponents. I went through the list in my head: Yokozuna’s not available. Bret Hart did just sign a deal, but he can't’ wrestle. Diesel? Ooooh, maybe it’s DeAnza College’s own Kama Mustafa.

Orton arrived, much to the young ladies in the crowd’s delight. He got a good reaction and so did Kamala when he came out with his handler Kim Chee. Kamala got a lot of offense in, mostly chops and such, but he also only got an OK reaction. I found that strange. Randy sold big, which might not be the best thing to do. Kamala slapped him belly and when Orton got offense, Kim Chee came up to the apron and took the RKO. Kamala got a little bit more offense before Orton hit him with the RKO and the lights went out and the Blue stuff happened again. An interesting way to go and I am betting that we’ll see more of this same type of thing next week. They really need to give Orton his win at SummerSlam.

A Social Worker arrived and was talking with Eddie. Eddie did a great job of acting like the concerned father here and he brought the worker to the ring. Rey and his wife and Dominic joined him in the ring and Eddie did a great promo saying that he was the only one who never lied to Dominic. Eddie did his act so well, and so did Rey’s wife. When Eddie called for Dominic to join him, Dom ran right to his Mommy. She was really selling it for the Mysterio side. Rey kept pointing out that Eddie had never beat him and said that when Eddie went into the WWE Hall of Fame (which he should), there’d be a note saying that he never beat Rey Mysterio. Eddie sorta flipped out a little, but pulled it in. Rey challenged Eddie to a match at SummerSlam with custody of Dominic on the line. They should call it the Over the Top match.

Anyone who gets that should rethink their cinematic tastes.

An almost believable emotional moment...
The Social Worker than said that neither of them were fit to have Dominic and she took him to a foster home, which Angie Mysterio and Rey reacted to brilliantly. I thought that was very well done and no matter how I feel about the angle as a whole, this part really did work and added heat and movement.

Psicosis and SuperCrazy beat Scotty2Hotty and William Regal when Regal turned heel and left the apron when Scotty tried to tag out. This was short and average.

Jillian Hall did a promo challenging Booker and Sharmell to take on Melina and Mercury. Why’d she do it?

Chris Benoit was wasted again by having to face Simon Dean. Seriously, here was a guy who had been in the hunt for the World Title and now he’s just doing mop-up work. Simon did have a great line calling him the Flabby Wolverine. Now true, Benoit did hit the ring, give Simon a serious beatin’ and then used Triple Germans and the Crossface for the win, but still, he could have had a serious match. They need to find a way to make him a contender again.

Christian and Batista had a match that I thought was pretty good, though not great. Christian tried to match power with Batista with predictable results. Christian got backdropped over the top to the outside, but he resorted to a poke to the eye to get the advantage. He tossed Batista to the post and hit a Missile Dropkick for the near-fall. He went to the top, and Batista backdropped him off when he was standing on the middle rope. Nice touch. Christian was sent over the top again and when Batista went to deal with him, JBL came out and wailed on him with a steel chair. A good way to built heat and end the show.

Bret Hart and the WWE have agreed to work together on a DVD of Bret’s career. Bret signed on, possibly to make sure that the DVD set was more about his entire career than just about the Montreal finish and the screw-job. He wants to downplay it, and Vince signed him to give him a lot of control over the product. It’s good to see him signed, but there’s no hope of him ever wrestling again due to his stroke and motorcycle accident. There’s a major movement to get him to come to WrestleMania and be installed in the Hall of Fame next year, but no one knows for sure.

There’s talk that TNA may be interested in The Dudleys, but that the Duds have a price that some in the company think is too high. I dunno, they could really make TNA on Spike if they give ‘em enough cash.

Dusty Rhodes has also been talking with the WWE about some sort of deal, including a possible DVD. No word if it’s a done deal.

The first time I ever really found myself doubting wrestling was at one of the early SummerSlams. I believe it was SumerSlam 1988. The Ultimate Warrior was running wild and The Honky Tonk Man was the IC champ since mid-1987. Brutus The Barber Beefcake was supposed to take the spot against Honky, but he was hurt, so they had Honky issue an open challenge. The Warrior’s music hit and he charged the ring as he always did and gave Honky the Press Slam and then went for the running splash.

This is where I had a problem.

You see, HTM was angled with his head pointing towards one of the corners while Warrior was running at the ropes and would be splashing him. If he had landed on him, his knee would have gone into his crotch and the elbow would have smashed his face. In addition, the Warrior would have landed flat on his face, which would have been embarrassing. So Honky Tonk did the one thing he could, he dug in his heels and turned himself on the mat so that he’d meet Warrior’s splash right.

I was 13 and I noticed it. I knew that Honky had turned to make it look right and I was annoyed. If a kid, who totally wants to believe that wrestling is real, questions, then everyone will.

So, that really helped end my illusion. I loved the Warrior, but with the exception of a few of his matches (like the ones with Rude and Savage) he was never a good worker. I really wanna see what they do with his new DVD.

That’s all for this week. More next week!

Talk about today's column in the forums!

Chris Garcia

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