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Falls Count Anywhere


I've kissed a girl.
I'll get back to you on that life thing, though...
Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere! My name is Chris and a jar of fireflies only lasts for one night.

RAW opened with Eric Bischoff. You know, in my first column ever for Fanboy Planet, Eric opened up the show sitting on a stool in a spotlight in the centre of a darkened arena. I really wish he would do that again. He said that after Cena’s actions of last week, he would be forced to face Gene Snitsky in a Lumberjack Match. Wow, that’s gonna be a hard sell to me.

Shelton Benjamin beat Carlito Caribbean Cool in a match where the IC could change hands on a count-out. It was a good little match, though Shelton looked like he was about to slip off the top rope to the floor. He did an amazing Slingshot Bodyblock that looked great. He’s probably the fastest wrestler working right now, and is very close to the Great Sasuke-level of ability without the recklessness and body-crushing high spots. Carlito went for a pin with his feet on the ropes, but Benjamin got out of it. It looked like Shelton was gonna take the match, but Carlito gave a low blow for a DQ to win the match. Good stuff, as this feud is smart and is using two guys who are going to be big in the next few years. It’s almost like watching Rock vs. HHH in 1997.

Philadelphia was treated to the Angle Invitational again. This time, Kurt opened with cheap heel heat on the Eagles and then said that last week he could have beaten Matt Striker at any time but he decided to draw it out for ratings drama. This led Matt Striker to come out again and say that he was Matt Martel from Philly. They had another match, but this time, Striker almost choked out Angle and the crowd was kinda behind him. Vince has a way of making bad guys into faces, though not as much as Carlos Colon when he pushed Bruiser Brody’s killer as a face. Angle got out, got an AngleSlam and the Ankle Lock to win again. I liked this segment and I like this angle.

There was a lame segment with Chavo “Kerwin Smith” Guerrero and Bisch. Jericho came in and said that the Lumberjack match was his idea and that next week, Cena and Jericho would meet one on one…in a Battle of the Bands!

Immortality apparently has its color scheme, too.
Rosie lost the Masterlock Challenge. For some reason, Coach kept using the word Mesomorph. That’s a big word for wrestling fans like me. After the match, Masters said that there was no one who could beat him in the Masterlock Challenge. This brought out Big Show. Master did the boot-scoot boogie out of there. That will either re-establish the Big Show as a monster, or make Masters into a big deal.

Edge did a great promo backstage that just hammered everything into place. He talked about Matt Hardy, saying he wasn’t supposed to mention his name. He then complained about us Internet types writing about his life and never having kissed a girl. It was a great interview that melded life and work and just seemed to let Edge release some legit steam. If he did more of these, then he’d be over huge as a heel in the mold of early 1990s Eddie Gilbert.

Hogan came out and said that he would accept Michael’s Challenge. Michaels had a great line: ‘Immortality has its price,' which makes me think someone stayed up late reading the latest Harry Potter book. This wasn’t a great interview, certainly not compared with the Edge one earlier, but it did get a very good reaction and moved the feud along. There are people who complain about the way this one is building. I think they just over-think things. It’s basically this, and it’s been said: Michaels thinks he’s better than Hogan.

Right before Edge got into the cage for his match with Kane, Matt Hardy jumped him. Matt got tackled and Edge yelled “Go back to the Indies!” Great stuff here. Matt got dragged off, but managed to break free and escape through the crowd. This is brilliant using Brian Pillman methods to get a face over. This will be the big feud of the late summer and throughout the fall. I’m really looking forward to seeing where this one goes.

It's alive!
Despite what I’ve been reading elsewhere, I thought that Kane vs. Edge in the cage was a good match that did everything they needed it to do. They had blood early, with Kane doing a decent bladejob, they had tons of brawling, lot’s of situations where the guys could have gone out but got stopped. This wasn’t Benoit vs. Angle, but it was good enough, and for Kane it was probably his best match in at least a year. They did a great moment where they had Lita dn Edge kiss through the cyclone fencing. Sweet. Kane was about to win when Edge got his brief case and was climbing over the top with it. Kane grabbed him, but Edge clocked him with the case and that allowed Edge to escape. I liked it, I thought that they told the story well, were lower-impact than many cage matches, which is a good thing, but they also worked the cage gimmick so well that it made it look dangerous. That’s important in these situations.

Maria interviewed Cena backstage. They are trying to make her into Cena’s version of what Coach was to the Rock. Well, at least she’s got boobs for John to have a look at if he gets bored.

The Cena vs. Snitsky match wasn’t good, but it had it’s moments and never failed to be at least somewhat entertaining. They had all the heel lumberjacks interfere with the match which allowed it to keep moving along. After a while, the faces came out and started brawling with the heels. Cena hit the FU and got the pin after knocking Jericho around a bit.

I thought this show was worth the time and effort, though there are some problems. They need to build more around Cena as the lead face, doing a better build like they did with Austin. Jericho is a great foil for Cena, but they’re using the McMahon-Austin feud template with Eric in the role of Vince. I like what they’re putting out, but they can ramp it up a bit and pull a much bigger win out of it if they try. Edge is coming along and his feud with Hardy has people talking and has made Matt into a big face with the crowd. Let’s see how long it lasts after he really comes back and if they keep him in the role of the loose cannon.

You can screw Hart, but not McMahon.
In huge news that the Observer broke, Earl Hebner, the best known and most controversial ref of the last two decades, was fired by the WWE for selling unauthorized merchandise. This is a huge deal, as Earl was the top paid regular ref due to being with McMahon when he screwed Bret out of the belt. His first big WWF angle was when he and his twin brother Dave reffed the Andre vs. Hogan match as the identical referees. It was a great angle and I always liked Earl. If he wrote a tell-all book, that would be the most impressive of all of them as he has stories from all sides of the business.

FlashBack to the Weekend
I’ve been reading about it and I wish I was there. I do have a knack of being at the great moments in the history of the sport, like when Stevie Richards, Hollywood Nova, Blue Meanie and Donn E. Allen came out as KISS at the ECW arena, or being there for the only Jericho vs. Sabu match or the Mass Transit incident or the night that HHH tore his quad. This time, I missed it, but I’ve heard from five different people about what might have been the greatest character introduction ever, and the weather played along.

The Boogeyman, who they’ve been pushing with teasers on RAW the last couple of weeks, debuted at an outdoor house show. He did his ring entrance and got on the mic. He said “I’m the Boogeyman” and at that precise moment, thunder clapped and Lightning struck. This was weather, not planned at all. He continued his promo and then ended up saying a few more words and the second he finished, the rain started pouring. This was a classic moment and there were about a thousand people there (the number will grow over the years) and they all said it was the most incredible thing. I know there’s a word for weather co-operating with an outdoor production in Shakespearean times, but I can’t remember it.

The Boogeyman gimmick isn’t expected to go over big, but if they introduce him to TV right, and feud him with Kane, they may make something out of it.

That’s all I’ve got. Next edition will feature a look at the TNA PPV which I haven’t managed to watch yet.

Talk about today's column in the forums!

Chris Garcia

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