Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere! My name
is Chris and I’m ready for my first Toastmaster gig!
have indeed mastered toast, but not with butter.
Wow, what an opening segment. They had Lita and Edge come
out together to a chorus of boos and not nearly as many
‘You Screwed Matts' as the last few weeks. Lita said
that Kane treated her like crap and she was right to drop
him and go with Edge. Edge added that Lita was his slut
and she’s with a winner. This was all done to get
the heat off the Matt sitch and onto Edge’s heel run
and it may well turn out that this was exactly what Edge
needed to make it as a top player. They are a great team.
Eric Bischoff planned a funeral for ECW.
Shelton Benjamin and Chris Jericho did a
thing where Shelton had to face Mohammad Hassan and Daivari
alone because Chris Jericho hadn’t arrived yet. After
the match, Jericho showed up and said that he was busy working
on his Fozzy stuff and that he couldn’t be held responsible
for missing things because he has a life outside wrestling.
He got some boos for his arrogance.
Chris Masters again beat Steven Richards,
though this time he didn’t mangle his face. Jericho
beat one of La Rez and then faced off with Benjamin. Neither
of these segments did anything for me.
ECW segment was great and the folks who say that by saying
that this is an event that’s helping put money in
Vince’s pocket are really missing what made ECW great.
It wasn’t the fact that they were anti-WWF at the
time; it’s the content of the program. It was the
hard core that drew, not the philosophy of counter-culture.
watched ECW for the blood and the tables and the work rate
and not because they were the rogues. Rogues without good
material don’t draw. I loved the funeral. Bisch came
out and talked about how he put ECW out of business by taking
their stars. Vince came out and said that while Bisch killed
ECW, Vince killed WCW and he ended up with all the assets
of both. Vince then introed Paul Heyman who cut one of his
better promos in saying that ECW was the real deal. He then
lit a wreath, which seemed to be made of barbed wire, on
fire. That was a great visual.
did they replace Eric Bischoff with Race Bannon?
Chris Benoit took on Tajiri in that ECW
rules match that they started last week. It was OK, but
far too short. They worked a few spots with weapons, including
the Singapore Cane, and it ended up with Benoit getting
a few German Suplexes before getting the crossface. Tajiri
reached for the Cane and Benoit took it away and put it
across Tajiri’s mouth while doing the crossface for
the tap out. Nice way to end the match.
Flair came into Batista’s lockerroom
and shook his hand for all the things he said about Flair
last week. It was one of those Flair’s being nice
so there’s obviously something up moments.
did a Kane interview where he talked about all the pain
he had and how he wanted it to go away. It reminded me of
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (‘I want my
garmonbozia’). I know, strange connections.
was in the ring, and somehow she managed to mess up her
intro. ‘I admit that I have an interior motive.’
Sweet God, she’s dumb and pretty. Bathe her and bring
her to me.
came out and Maria played dumb saying she thinks that Viz
has a thing for Lillian, who joined them in the ring. Viz
asked for a hot dog and then he and Lillian danced to some
smooth jazz. Viz dropped his pants to reveal red silk drawers,
but then Coach came out. He got beat by Viscera, who chopped
him and gave him a Samoan Drop. When he was down, and I’m
not kidding, he dry humped Coach. I’ll say it again.
Viscer dry humped The Coach. Oh My God, that was the vilest
thing I’ve ever seen on TV. He then kissed Lillian
to prove that he was all man, kinda like Rock Hudson.
Honestly, I fell asleep before the Batista
vs. Edge match ended. It just wasn’t that exciting
since I knew exactly what would happen. Christian and Tomko
came down to ring side. There was a ref bump. Edge tried
to use the briefcase but Batista ducked it and hit the DemonBomb
for the win. Typical, and let me say that Batista was way
over. We’re talking Roddy Piper in early 1987 over.
After the match, HHH came out with the sledgehammer and
beat on Batista, slapped him and said Hell in the Cell.
We all knew that was coming.
I wasn’t a huge fan of this edition,
save for the ECW funeral thing.
Well, there’s not a lot that I’ve heard of.
Bucking a trend, the WWE has hired the former promoter of
Major League Wrestling to work on the Creative Team. There
are also rumors that Steph McMahon may be looking at having
a baby. There may be nothing to them, but they got to me
through one of my usually reliable sources.
TNA might be bringing in Bryan Danielson,
who is ready to be a huge star and who is having serious
doubts about his place in the business.
In the future, people will talk about the Judgment Day PPV
Main Event as one of the great brawls of all time. There
were ridiculous amounts of over-booking, a little bit of
good wrestling, but the undercard was mostly disappointing
and the Top Two did well enough to score in the positive.
We started off with Haas and Holly taking
on MNM. Melina is hot, but she’s far from the only
positive thing about MNM. These guys can bump, and in a
way remind me of the Smokin’ Gunns, who were a good
tag team despite being a bad gimmick. Holly and Haas are
both good in the ring, though Holly often lets his temper
get in the way. Haas is a far better worker than anyone
gives him credit for and he was good here. The match was
pretty average, but the crowd came into it after a bit and
the finish was MNM getting The Snapshot for the pin, which
is something that doesn’t happen enough on PPV anymore:
someone getting the pin with their finisher the first time
Carlito took on The Big Show in a match
that was almost all comedy. Carlito isn’t a great
worker, and he can’t be doing all that bumping he
did before he got hurt, but he deserves better than this.
You could see that the ref was going to get bumped and Matt
Morgan was going to interfere from the very start. Though,
once he did, it got interesting as Morgan gave Big Show
an F5. That’s right, he hit a pretty good F5 on Big
Show allowing Carlito to get the pin. Not a good way to
go, but what are you gonna do?
Paul London and Chavo Guerrero had a good
match that was taken down a tad by the fact that the two
of them were a little sloppy. Chavo worked a little on the
ground, but London came back with a great rana, but then
went for the 450 and ended up catching Chavo’s knees
in the up position. Lot’s of good fast back and forth
in this one, and it’s enjoyable, though a tad off.
London is best when he’s working with guys who are
his size, like Kidman. London hits a Senton to the outside
and a Tope Suicida. Chavo gets backdropped off the ropes
and then takes the 450 which allows London to get the pin
and the win.
Booker T and Kurt Angle had an OK match,
but also had a little bit in the way of sloppiness. The
Kurt is a Freaky Sexual Predator angle is one of the worst
in ages. It’s not quite Al Wilson is Dead (Long Live
Al Wilson!), but it’s bad. The match was pretty good,
and obviously stiff, as Kurt was bleeding hardway. It was
a hard match to get into, as they were physical, but they
had a few minor glitches, particularly Booker. They did
bring some of the crowd around, but it was the quietest
Angle match I can think of in a while. Booker got the Small
Package when Kurt went for an AngleSlam for the pin. After
the match, Angle tried to handcuff Sharmell, but Booker
recovered and cuffed him to the ropes, allowing Sharmell
and Booker to beat the crap out of Kurt, including a solid
kick to the groin.
Writing about Orlando Jordan and Heidenreich
would only waste precious electrons. It was bad, but it
could have been far worse.
Guerrero and Rey Mysterio had a very good match, though
again, they are trying to live up to the standard they set
with their 1997 Halloween Havoc match which was one of the
best matches of the 1990s. The two started with slaps and
Rey was wailing on Eddie until Eddie evened the score with
a kick to the ribs. Eddie worked over Rey’s ribs,
using kicks and a nice abdominal stretch. I’ve always
really liked that move. The crowd chanted for Eddie, which
is rough, but the heel turn is working as story, so it’s
not a full failure. Chavo gets involved and Eddie uses the
time to grab a chair. Rey springboards in and meets seat
which gives him the win via DQ. Eddie kept beating on Rey,
but the crowd still chanted for him. It must be rough being
a formerly popular heel in the days after the run of Stone
The Main Event was a death trap going in.
Neither of these guys are great in the ring. They had a
passable, but still pretty bad, match at WrestleMania. The
I Quit gimmick is odd since neither of them have a submission
move. All that was working against them
And they still had the second best match
of the year to date.
This was a wild brawl, a seriously ECW-infused
battle that roamed and pitched back and forth. They started
in the ring, with Cena doing an arm drag and at one point
JBL did suplexed Cena and followed with a DDT into the ring
and tried for a pin. They always do that spot to remind
the audience, but if you’ve built up your gimmick
enough, you don’t really need to do it. They work
in the crowd for a bit and JBL tells Cena to quit, which
everyone says should have made the match over, but I don’t
buy that at all. JBL tries for a powerbomb, but Cena backdrops
him through a table. JBL gets a chair and nails Cena, which
leads Cena to blade. A big blade job. The proverbial crimson
mask. Wow, that’s a lot of blood. The crowd actually
goes silent for a while because they are worried about Cena
from all the blood. Wow.
They continue the brawl and beat each other
with, around and onto JBL’s limo. When they end up
in the production area, Cena puts JBL’s head into
a monitor, which causes him to do a huge bladejob and we’re
Dusty Rhodes vs. Ric Flair from 1986 with both guys bleedin’.
The finish was Cena putting JBL through another table and
getting the muffler-thingee from a truck and he was about
to wail on JBL when he said “I quit”, giving
Cena the win so he wouldn’t have to endure the beating
with the pipe. To celebrate his win, Cena hit JBL with the
The match was a spectacle and a match that
Cena will have a hard time topping. Good stuff that will
only help Cena get even more over. He’s at Shawn Michaels
1996 level right now, and he could get to Randy Savage 1988
in a few months with some great performances like this one.
all for this week. I’m Toastmastering at BayCon this
weekend and will be hangin’ with Fanboy Planet’s
favorite DS9er, Chase
about today's column in the forums!