Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere! My name
is Chris and Ain’t No Movie like RoboCop.
If you want to ask me what constitutes a criminal decision
in the world of wrestling booking, it’s opening a
show with Muhammad Hassan and Daivari taking on Shelton
Benjamin and Chris Jericho and having the faces lose in
just about six minutes. It’s not that it was a bad
match, or even that the result was wrong, but they had two
of the best workers in the company in there and they had
Daivari who bumps like a madman so they could have at least
given them another five minutes. At least there were ‘Let’s
Go Shelton’ chants, proving that he’s catching
on. After dropping the fall, Jericho walks up the ramp alone
with Shelton watching in a ‘Man, I don’t get
They had Benoit tell Tajiri that Paul Heyman
had invited him to the ECW One Night Stand pay-per-view.
Tajiri is excited, but William Regal comes and tells Benoit
to stop filling his head with all that garbage and that
there’s nothing fun about getting hit in the head
with trash can lids and going through tables.
Flair did a long series of segments here.
First, he went to Bischoff to try and get HHH a title shot
so that he’d come back, since that’s what’s
good for business. Bischoff says that HHH can call him if
he wants to, but the Bisch doesn’t go out on a limb
for quitters. Flair then runs into Dave Batista and says
that everything wrong with his life is the Big Man’s
fault. He then says that he has nothing but respect for
Flair. It wasn’t a great set of segments, but Flair
is always entertaining.
Ric then took on Christian in a match that
went far too short. These two could have gone fifteen minutes
and kept it feeling fresh. They did a couple of nice things,
such as Flair’s flip into the ropes (which I recently
learned was pioneered by Ray Stevens) and Christian doing
a great Flair Flop after being chopped to hell in the corner.
Tomko tries to interfere, but the ref catches him. Christian
goes for a roll-up, but Flair reverses it and gets the win
with the help of ropes and tights. After the match, Christian
and Tomko beat on Flair, but Batista makes the save and
gives Christian the DemonBomb and Tomko the bomb and the
Spinebuster. Kinda weird, but it makes sense.
Chris Masters comes out for the Masterlock
Challenge. He beats the guy and finally lets go when Stevie
Richards, fresh from having his face redesigned after that
stiff chump Masters brutalized it, attacked Masters. He
got a reasonable pop, far better than a guy who has been
booked like he has should be getting.
Tajiri and Benoit had an ECW rules match.
It went really short, but there was some nice action. Benoit
set Tajiri on a table and set up a ladder which he then
climbed. Coach then came out and told them to stop, which
they did for some reason. Bischoff then came out and ran
down the ECW way, then said that no RAW superstars would
be on the ECW PPV save for those that Bisch sends to stop
it. He says he’s going to put ECW down once and for
Christy and Candace Michelle have a Lingerie
Pillow Fight, you know, the type where they bring the bed
into the middle of the ring. It sucks, but Candace is really
hot. I mean REALLY hot. After the match, Viscera comes out.
He says the ladies look good, but he’s there for Lillian.
He says there’s something missing and goes outside,
locks lips with a lovely lady and takes some of her cotton
candy. Viscera then goes back into the ring and calls Lillian
to the bed. He then sings some Barry White to her and gives
her his room key. Wow, this wasn’t nearly as impressive
as some of the Mark Henry bits, but it got a bit of a reaction.
the hard-hitting action we'd hoped for...
Hurricane and Rosie came out with a masked
Stacey Kiebler to take on Maven and Simon Dean. They have
a typical match, doing a fair amount of back and forth in
the four or so minutes they got. After a while, Stacey shows
off her assets to Simon and Maven which allows Rosie to
get a kick and give a Double Team Eye of the Hurricane.
Short matches seem the rule for the night.
Randy Orton returned after a little over
a month and got a really big pop. I mean, if he was getting
that kind of pop night after night, he’d have the
belt instead of Batista. He says he’s on the Injured
Reserved list, and he can’t be drafted. This brings
out Vinny Mac, who swaggers, though he looked older than
he did even at the Rumble. Vince says that no one is safe
and anyone can be drafted. He says that the Draft starts
in three weeks and that it will be a month-long thing with
all sorts of oddness. I’m terrified that this might
become a massive train wreck. Vince made note that Randy
looked a little, OK a lot, smaller than he did before his
surgery. Good point.
and Edge had the match of the night, which for this night
wasn’t too difficult. The guys worked a smart match,
though it wasn’t’ a great match. I liked the
way that Kane played his role, and Edge is one of the more
dependable workers on RAW.
Kane had choked Edge earlier due to his disrespect of Lita,
Edge got to sell some throat injuries. They work and it
ends up with Edge trying to use his briefcase, but Kane
meets him with the big boot and Lita gets the case. Lita
slips the case to Edge on the sly and when Kane goes for
the flying clothesline which ends up meeting the case to
give Edge the win. Why did Edge win the Ladder match if
he was just going to be winning the tourney? Lita and Edge
kiss on the top of the ramp as we go out.
Well, they finally did it and got Edge and
Lita together. Not a great episode, since there wasn’t
a lot of good wrestlin’ goin’ on.
Hard Justice PPV In Brief
Well, there was a great amount of apprehension going into
this one. No one knew if business or ego would prevail.
A little of both happened.
Siaki and Apollo took on Team Canada in
a match which had its moments. The big trouble was Siaki
seemed so unsure of himself and even tripped on the way
to the ring. He has taken Candito’s death very hard.
The match ended with A1 putting Williams on top of Siaki
for the pin.
There was a mixed tag match between the
team of Chris Sabin and Tracy Brooks and Trinity with Michael
Shane. The ladies didn’t do much, but there was a
nice segment around a Tornado DDT. There was an odd finish
as Michael Shane superkicked Trinity and Sabin for the win
in a weird turn.
some reason, Jeff Hardy missed about six flights and they
had to have our good friend Sean Waltman fill in for the
match against Raven. It was a good brawl, called a “Clockwork
Orange House of Fun Match," which I believe takes the
cake as the dumbest title for a match in the history of
wrestling. They used tons of weapons and Raven also got
a pair of handcuffs from under the ring and clapped ‘em
on Waltman. He then beat on him a bit, but then he was released
AND STAPLED RAVEN’S HEAD! I kid you not. Raven backdropped
Waltman into the cage which fell and allowed Raven to get
the pin. Really good brawl and it’s always nice to
see Dusty involved a bit so that we know he’s not
completely away from TNA.
Monty Brown and The Outlaw faced DDP and
Ron Killings in a match that went back and forth well enough,
but I wasn’t sold on. The crowd seemed to enjoy it
fair enough. Strangely enough, Phi Delta Slam ran in, which
is odd since when Dusty lost power they were told they couldn’t
appear anymore. They went to beat on DDP but they were met
with Diamond Cutters by DDP. DDP went for another on the
Outlaw, but big Monty Brown got the Pounce and the win.
Naturals took on America’s Most Wanted in a match
that was good, but had the cloud of Chris Candito hanging
over it. It was obvious that these guys were out there against
the Naturals and Candito’s memory. It was a fun match
that I liked and hoped that would have gotten more over
with the fans, but having the empty chair with the towel
on it didn’t help things much. A Death Valley Driver
countered into a Catatonic was the highlight spot.
The Fallen Angel Chris Daniels beat Shocker
in a solid match. They started slow, which works for the
styles these guys like to work. They did one of my favourite
spots where the guy (in this case Daniels) goes for the
headscissors and the other guy drops him flat on his face.
Shocker rules! Shocker used a bunch of submission moves,
like the STF and the Camel Clutch, but he couldn’t
get the win. Daniels managed to hit the Angel’s Wings
off the top for the pin in a match that I’d like to
There was a Gauntlet match that I didn’t
watch too carefully. The highlights were Zach Gowen coming
back and getting to work with Shark Boy and Petey Williams
getting the Canadian Destroyer on Jarrelle Clark. Abyss
won, but it didn’t really mean much.
Jeff Jarrett finally dropped the NWA title
to AJ Styles in a match that I thought was pretty good.
They had Tito Ortiz as the ref, they got a little mainstream
pub, but not much. The work was solid, as Jeff can go and
AJ Styles might be the best worker in a company full of
great workers. They exchanged finishers, with both guys
kicking out at two. Styles went for another StylesClash,
but Monty Brown came out and accidentally Pounced Jeff Jarrett.
Tito Ortiz slugged Jarrett after he showed the special ref
and that allowed Styles to get the pin without Jarrett having
to do a clean job.
So, it’s a little bit different, a
little bit the same.
all for today...
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