Welcome to Falls
Count Anywhere! My name is Chris and if you’re reading
this, you’ve probably paid your taxes.
scheduled my C.
So, I saw the tape of RAW and I’d already mentioned
most of the important things. Shawn Michaels asking for
Hogan to join him in the tag match was a hot segment and
the right way to use the Hulkster.
opening match between Christy and Victoria against Trish
and the soon-to-depart Molly Holly was really good, considering.
I love Victoria and she’s been pushed aside for too
long. Trish is always great. Molly hit Trish on accident
and that allowed Christy to roll her up and get the pin.
It looks like that mistake cost Holly her job…well,
no, but still (see NEWS)
They showed Randy’s
surgery and had the chicks talking. Kane followed Trish
into her dressing roomand there was a Hassan promo. All
of this seemed pretty pointless.
The HHH promo
that followed was even more pointless, and he was punished
by the Wrestling Gods with an injury during his handicapped
match with Rosie and Hurricane.
Shawn Michaels in a match that I saw a little bit off the
first time. It wasn’t a great match, but it did show
us that Daivari is better than we thought. Still, I’d
rather see him as a bump-taking manager.
Lita and Kane
made out. She was thanking him for something. You know,
this is a messed up storyline that is far less interesting
than the real storyline between Edge, Lita and Matt Hardy.
It’s confusing, poorly thought-out and just plain
Benoit was really good and Christian got a great response.
These guys didn’t have a blow away match, but it was
a solid match worked well. Edge got himself involved and
Christian managed to get the pin.
The main interview
revealed that HHH would be facing Jim Ross next week. WHAT
Molly Holly was let go as were a couple of the folks from
OVW from their developmental contracts. One of them was
Aaron Aguilara, who was, along with Christopher Daniels
(now of TNA) the Conquistadors that took on Edge and Christian
in a memorable feud of the early part of this century. My
take is that they are shoring up for the days when their
money will run leaned with the USA deal. Hopefully it will
turn around and business will start to increase in other
areas. The Saturday Night’s Main Event stuff should
help a fair amount in picking up certain PPVs.
an injury, believed to be a stinger, when Rosie did the
sit-down on him. It was thought to be serious and it caused
the advertised local main event to be cancelled. Still,
I’m not sure that I’d like to hear about HHH
being hurt since he’s got to carry the entire promotion
on his back…or so he claims.
There were some fantastic things on SmackDown! this week,
and some absolutely horrible things. The fantastic might
rank right up there with the most fantastic stuff we’ve
seen in ages and the bad…well, let’s just say
opening was Orlando Jordan vs. Booker T. It was a serviceable
match with Booker doing what he usually does. The Bashems
interfered to cause the DQ and Theodore R. Long restarted
it as a tag match after the Big Show came to help Booker.
JBL had a funny line about Martin Luther King rolling in
his grave over Long’s decision. The Orlando and Bashems
vs. Booker and Big Show was exactly what you’d expect.
Spinnerooni and Scissors Kick for the win.
took on Dawn Marie. Dawn looked really good, as usual. The
match was better than some of these women’s matches,
especially with a lot of fast trades towards the end. Torrie
hit a decent looking Neckbreaker for the pin.
led to the first great segment of the night. Carlito’s
Cabana. Carlito started by making fun of the Cubs, which
is too easy, but it got a good reaction. He called them
Lovable Losers, which he said reminded him of Rey Mysterio.
They jawed a bit and Carlito made the point that Eddie cost
Rey he spot in the Championship Tourney. Rey said that he
knows what Carlito is up to by trying to come between Eddie
and Rey, but are Familia. Carlito said things were about
to get worse for Rey when the new folks came to ringside.
big guys in fur coats entered the ring and their female
manager came to the side of the ring and hitched an ankle
up on the apron. The crowd liked that, or at least the male
part of it. Then she put her leg on the apron, doing the
full splits and ducking under the bottom rope to make her
way into the ring. Wow. A better entrance you couldn’t
hope for when debuting on SmackDown! The crowd popped for
it too. Or at least the males did. And ten percent of the
the girl took the mic and introduced herself as Melina,
the guy as Nitro and Mercury, and together they are MNM.
They talked about being in LA and how dope they are, and
Rey clowned on Melina for having bad breath, which led Melina
to do a breath check. After a little more jawing, The N
and the second M attacked Rey and Rey held his own for a
while until they managed a solid double team. The crowd
was chanting Eddie, but he didn’t come. They hit their
finisher, a Flap-jack combined with a DDT, to end it.
The real highlight
was Carlito. He did this awesome expression when Melina
did the splits that they caught with the entrance. When
they started attacking Rey, he casually grabbed one of the
deck chairs that had been set up as part of the set and
watched them destroy Rey. He’s great!
JBL ran into
a delivery boy who had a package for Cena. Bradshaw hijacked
it. Eddie came and found Rey and Rey was angry. Eddie said
that he was going to make it up to Rey later. They did some
of this in Spanish.
made his way to the ring to a solid response, getting to
the level the Champ should be at. Cena talked and called
out John Bradshaw Layfield to bring out his box. JBL showed
up with the box and said that he also had stolen the Title
Belt. Cena said that it wouldn’t be the title belt
for much longer. JBL then opened the box and there was slimy
stuff inside. Cena said that he had ordered the box for
JBL because it was something that he didn’t have:
guts. HE said he ordered them from a Chicago Slaughterhouse
and then he went to JBL and dumped them all over him. While
he was hamming it up, Cena returned to the ring and the
new Cena title, with spinner and all sorts of Bling, was
lowered. They actually called it the bling-bling belt, which
is a term I coined here
in my very first Fanboy Planet column ever!
a jobber. Then he read a poem about passing gas. I’m
serious. He did fart poetry. I don’t really know what
else to say. WORST SEGMENT EVER! Made even worse since you
could tell all the rhymes were forced.
Booker T and
Sharmell were backstage and Kurt Angle came out. Kurt said
he was going to win the challenge and go on to become a
five-time WWE champion, which is something that Booker had
never managed. Sharmell then got in Kurt’s face and
delivered a verbal tongue-lashing that showed she can talk.
She delivered Can You It, SUCKAAAAAA! Pretty well too.
London came out after the showed black and white footage
of his bloodbath last week. He called out Chavo and Chavo
said he would only fight London when he was medically cleared
because he is a man of honor. Of course, this was all done
so that Kidman could sneak around the other side and attack
from the back. London got the better of him, hitting the
DropSault and the 450. Good way to build interest, which
is what they need to be doing since they are bringing in
Juventud, Psicosis and Super Crazy.
vs. Guerrero. Wow. This was one of the five best matches
over the last year. They started fast. They did a few exchanges,
but Eddie hit Triple Verticals right off. After the first
commercial, Angle hit a belly-to-belly and went for the
Angle Slam, but Eddie used the headscissors to counter.
Eddie went for a Frog Splash, but all he got was a gut full
of knees. By this point, I knew I was watching a special
match. Great stuff all over the place. Kurt went for another
Angle Slam, but Eddie turned it into a DDT. Eddie managed
to hit a Frog Splash, but Kurt managed to kick out.
was being worked like a World Title match, which both guys
have done before. When Kurt went for an Ankle Lock, Eddie
kicked him into the ref. They really didn’t need the
ref bump. Angle grabbed a chair and Rey came out and hit
the seated Senton to stop him. Rey grabbed the chair and
Eddie saw him, thinking he was going to hit him with it.
Kurt then pushed Rey into Eddie, hitting him with the chair.
Kurt then covered and got the pin.
this show, even though there was only one real match --
it was a damn good match. The London thing is interesting
and I like the fact that they are making a storyline out
of that bloody mess. The MNM debut was awesome and Carlito
might be the Puerto Rican Roddy Piper.
all for this week. More next week!
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