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Wrestling Today's Date:

Falls Count Anywhere


I long to be Torrie.
Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere! My name is Chris and NPR is a harsh mistress.

Well, with my coming back from the Auto Shop, I didn’t catch the first couple of segments. I understand that a Triple Threat Match between Victoria, Trish and Molly took place and Trish got the win and there were a couple of other talkin’ segments, one with HHH and Flair about Batista, one with Candace Michelle and Trish.

When I strolled in, Simon Dean was tapping to Chris Jericho’s Walls. This wasn’t a good place to walk in.

The Shawn Michaels vs Kurt Angle match at WrestleMania was made official with Shawn asking Theodore R. Long for the match and it being granted. This wasn’t how they should have done it, but at least it announces the match that I’m most excited for.

Kane beat Tyson Tomko, who said that he should be the focus of the promotion, not Batista. Well, if you substituted tattoos and gave him more hair on his head and less on his chin, he may be able to play Batista.

Chris Masters showed up and ran into Flair, telling him to watch his match. Since we all knew that Batista was jumping Evolution’s ship, my guess is that they are planning on putting Masters in Evolution, perhaps even doing the Lex Luger Associate Horseman thing that started Flexy Lexy on his way.

Muhammad Hassan came out to the ring just as I entered carrying my glass of Sunny D. He complained that everyone should be treated equal on Presidents' Day, but I say if you’re not an actual president, it’s not your day. He said he was the only one not getting the same treatment as everyone else. Benoit came out and Hassan jumped him and put him in the Camel Clutch while Daivari did his schtick. I love Daivari! I can’t wait until they turn him.

Shawn Michaels and Randy Orton wrestled a reunited Edge and Christian. The last time Edge teamed with Christian, they had some big problems and Edge left Christian lying. In a rare instance of follow-though-itism, JR and The King mentioned that. This was a really good match with lots of back and forth. Orton worked harder than normal, and he tends to work pretty hard. Edge and Christian didn’t seem to work together as they used to, which was part of the story of the match. They went for a conchairto, but Shawn ducked and hit the Sweet Chin Music for the pin. Really good match. After the match, an out of control Edge beat on Shawn Michaels.

The Masterpiece Chris Masters showed up in the ring to face Steven Richards. The crowd didn’t seem to react very strongly, though they were standing for the intro. It was just another Lex Luger Narcissist, but it wasn’t nearly as bad in execution as that failed angle. He used a Full Nelson to get the pin, which I’ve though is due for a comeback as a finisher.

Genen Snitsky got the DQ win over Shelton Benjamin when Shelton did a baseball slide into Snitsky as he went for a chair. Shelton took the chair and then Whammy!

Ric Flair and HHH had a segment where H admitted that he was the guy behind all of the videos and the Limo deal last week. Flair was quite impressed, but Batista was listening right outside the door. I really thought they could have done a great angle here where Flair got himself a conscience and when it came time for the Batista turn, he would have told Big Dave and gone with him to manage the big man. No such luck, though.

They closed things with Theodore R. Long and Eric Bischoff making pitches to Batista to sign their contract. HHH then gave his speech where he said they could be bigger than The Horsemen or DX by holding both the Bling-bling belt and the SmackDown! title. Big Dave then picked up the SmackDown! contract, did the thumbs down and attacked Flair and HHH, eventually powerbombing H through the table in the centre of the ring. The crowd was into this, but not to the rabid level they would have wanted.

An OK show, with a solid ending and one great match.

The Ultimate Fighter
So, I watched the Ultimate Fighter for the first time and I’ll say it was like Tough Enough with in-ring storylines. The entire thing was built around the Leben vs. Koscheck fight. Leben, a striker, was the heel, constantly saying that he wanted to break Koscheck’s jaw. The build-up was really good, as Leben was a total heel and Koscheck was simply a guy who was nearly a face, but not quite.

The fight itself wasn’t great. It was that Koscheck didn't really win the fight; he would just take Leben down and hold him, maybe working a few short punches and looking for an opening, but it was Leben who lost the fight by not doing any damage to Koscheck at all. He did try a couple of submissions, both of which Koscheck got out of with little problem. Koscheck got the unanimous decision, which was the only way they could have gone as Leben didn’t do any damage and after the first round was totally sucking wind and Koscheck looked calm.

After the match, Koscheck said “there’s your ticket home” and Dana White had to keep the two of them separated so they wouldn’t start fighting again. Leben kept saying it wasn’t over. He then started crying on the outside and asked Dana if he wanted a guy who “just lay on top of you” for the UFC. I kinda agree that he didn’t do much and wasn’t on the level of a real UFC fighter, but the liability of being a striker is that you have to do damage, and Leben didn’t. He left it to the judges and headed home. Leben will probably still manage to get himself into the ranked section of the UFC, since this was only his second loss in 18 or so fights. Leben and Kocheck will probably fight again on a UFC PPV in the future, which will be interesting.

No Way Out
I was unimpressed with No Way Out. The undercard wasn’t good. It was so bad that I fast-forwarded almost all of it.

Eddie and Rey Mysterio won the Tag Titles by beating the Bashems. This wasn’t a bad match, but it wasn’t great either. The guys worked well, but it wasn’t spectacular. They did the ending where Rey tossed Eddie the belt and he clocked one of the Bashems for the win.

They did the Evening Gown competition and it looked like Joy won that section easily. They spent way too much time on these Diva things.

Heidenreich vs. Booker T was up and it was the worst match in a long time for Booker. Heidenreich just can’t work, and his selling is idiotic. Booker seemed like he didn’t even want to try because he knew it would be useless. Heidenreich got DQ’ed for using the chair to the throat.

Eddie gave John Cena a talk, saying that he didn’t realize how huge the opportunity he was getting actually was. The victory party for Eddie and Rey was a small, private affair.

The Cruiserweight match was an attempt to get Paul London over. They did it as a Gauntlet match, with London and Funaki starting. London beat Funaki, Spike and Shannon Moore in less than five minutes. Then he beat Akio after a Double Knock-out spot where London got up at 9 to get the win. Chavo then entered and won the title by pinning London. Not a good way to get the Cruisers over.

They did the talent portion of the Diva event and it powerful sucked. Dawn Marie was out to mock them. Joy’s talent was giving Torrie a massage. Oh, how I long to be Torrie. Michelle McCool bodyslammed Dawn as her talent, which I think won her that segment.

Luther Reigns vs. Undertaker will always be remembered for one thing: the snot running down Luther’s nose. That’s right, Luther seemed to have the sniffles and ended up with a runny nose. Poor little thing. The match sucked.

The big surprise in the Angle vs. Cena match was that there was no Shawn Michaels involvement. The match was very good, pretty much saving the show from a King of the Ring 1995 level. They worked a competitive match and Cena looked really good. Cena kept escaping Ankle Lock attempts. Angle just kept going though you could tell he was hurting. The match ended with Cena getting the clean FU for the pin. Really good way to get Cena ready for the Main Event.

JBL beat Big Show in the Barbed Wire Cage Match. There was a lot of blood and JBL did some great selling. He’d have made the perfect 1987 US Champion. The finish was Big Show chokeslamming JBL through the ring! As Big Show walked towards the door, JBL managed to crawl out from under the ring and be declared the winner. That was a creative ending, I must say.

The Cabinet was beating on Show and Batista came out to make the save. Cena then beat on JBL. Cena and Batista also stared down a bit as we went out.

Not a good PPV, aside from Joy winning the Diva contest. The last two matches and the Eddie and Rey match were at least good.

That’s all for this week. I’ll do a big double-shot in a week.

Talk about today's column in the forums!

Chris Garcia

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