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Falls Count Anywhere


Eye C U
Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere! My name is Chris and that guy is watching you a little too closely…

With no Dog Show on Thursday, I was free to give all my attention to SD!. There wasn’t a lot to the show, but they had a very good match, a couple of nice interviews and an ending that will either light a huge fire under things or make a good decision lead to a letdown.

We open with Rey Mysterio and Danny Bashem. This was a fun little match, though nothing spectacular. Rey introduced Eddie who is going to join him in challenging The Bashems at No Way Out. It was a pretty standard Rey match, with Eddie and Doug at ringside. It should be an OK match on Sunday, especially if they turn Eddie…which will be a HUGE mistake.

JBL did a nice series of promos saying that he didn’t have anything to do with the Limo showing up at RAW this week. He’s got an excellent charisma to him, though it won’t sell tickets, it does make for a good interview. Theodore R. Long informed JBL that Batista would be at No Way Out.

They showed a bit of the press conference for No Way Out. A pretty tepid affair, it seemed.

An OK six man between Akio, Spike Dudley and Chavito and the team of Shannon Moore, Funaki and Paul London wasn’t too bad, though it was opened with Torrie Wilson announcing it very poorly and then was interrupted by the SmackDown! Rookie Divas trying to muster up support for the Vote thing at the PPV. The match had some great moments, like London and Moore doing stereo dives over the top and a Funaki Enzuigiri into a London Dropsault. Funaki got the win with a stiff looking Superkick.

The Kurt Angle Invitational runs again and again Kurt wins fast. They have to be building to something, I’m just not seeing what. They had Kurt and John Cena do a staredown after as Kurt was leaving and Cena was heading to the ring for his match with Booker T.

Nice target.
Booker is pushing forty. That’s not a knock, I’m just sayin’ is all. He managed to carry a much younger Cena to a really good match. Booker generaled the match, making sure everything was done at the right moment. When Cena was working a comeback, he seemed to blend in with Booker’s timing. Having the two of them working house shows for a couple of months might even teach Cena who to work like a World Champion. They did a few segments where Booker would look to be going for the Axe Kick and then Cena would almost have the FU when he escaped, which played off the fact that they are over-using that finish. Booker even did a 1980s spot where he came off the apron with a double axe-handle to the back. They worked back and forth, and aside from Cena getting the FU kinda suddenly for the finish, it was a really solid match.

JBL mentioned that he fired Amy Weber as his image consultant. I’ll light a candle for her and hope that she gets desperate enough to appear in my un-authorized sequel to Bikini Beach Blow-Out.

Big Show takes about Batista and Bradshaw and they have Booker T walk by Heidenreich. I missed this section mostly due to the fact that my other writing interest, The Drink Tank over on efanzines.com, got a mention on a website that inundated my computer with a few dozen emails.

Nunzio gets pinned by Luther Reigns in quick fashion, which led to the Undertaker’s bells tolling. I really like Luther’s intensity and his delivery. He lacks a bit in charisma, but he does the out of ring stuff pretty well. I really could see him as a monster in TNA or in Japan. Jindraik takes on the Undertaker and it’s not pretty. Honestly, these guys tried, but it didn’t really work, except for the end where Reigns hit UT with a camera.

The David Horowitz of the WWE, Carlito “Concerned-for-the-safety-and-well-being-of-SmackDown!-wrestlers” Cool and Teddy Long have a little chat, with Carlito saying that he doesn’t think that Batista coming to SD! is cool. They then reveal that Teddy Long will be evaluated at next week’s SD!.

Cena and Angle do one of the better backstage bits, where Cena is reminded by Kurt of the first time he was in the WWE and lost to Angle. That’s a rare piece of recall. Apparently, Cena has a fetish for championships.

JBL and his Cabinet come down to the ring. There’s a big glaring hole where my sweet Amy should be. I weep. John Bradshaw Layfield, now married to a TV newswoman, says that Batista isn’t in his league. I’d agree, as he probably couldn’t even land a TV weather girl, mostly due to the fact that he’d rip her in half like Magnus Ver Magnusson’s phone book. Batista arrives in his little sports car and strolls over to JBL’s limo. The crowd seems happy to see him. He goes Jack Nicholson on the car’s windows, only using a bat instead of a golf club. Big Show comes out and is laid out by the Cabinet. Then Batista comes out and takes care of business. JBL hightails it out of there and Big Show and Batista staredown.

This was an overall average show with an ending that really built interest in seeing Batista on SD!. They are going with HHH vs. Batista at Mania, and unless they trade champions, none of the things they built, like Big Show vs. Batista, are going to happen.

Not so brainy she couldn't love a wrestler...
Like I mentioned, JBL married Meredith Whitney of the Fox News Family. This would make him the WWE star with the most high-profile wife (to the rest of the world, so HHH’s marriage to Steph doesn’t count). She’s also one of the top three hottest news chicks.

Frankie Kazarian left TNA. There’s interest in the WWE about using him.

No Way Out Preview
There’s not too much interest in No Way Out, but there are some great booking possibilities. Ultimately, this show depends on the Main Event to deliver memorable spots and for the undercard to try and make something memorable happen.

The Six-Man wild match for the Cruiserweight Title should be good, or at least chaotic enough to be remembered. I don’t know if Funaki would make a better long-term champion than the guy I think will win it all, Paul London, but he’s got a following and has managed to get a little interest going. Spike is the most over, Moore is the least. Chavito is more of a heavyweight and Akio is just sorta around. I really think they’ll give it to London as a way to justify keeping him around when they let some many others go.

Booker T. vs. Heidenreich is supposedly happening, though I don’t know why. Booker gets the win, and that’s all I care to say about that.

The Bashems vs. Eddie and Rey will in an interesting match. If they are really going to turn Eddie, this is the most likely place to either start the turn (do a drawn out Edge sorta thing) or to fully do it (have Eddie pound on Rey). Either way, the result is the same and The Bashems hold the titles. I wish they wouldn’t turn Eddie, as the Hispanic Population is what’s keeping SD! afloat. They could do an LwO thing again, which I would be all for. A face Eddie and Rey Tag Team with the belts, coupled with The Bashems and another regular hard-working team could bring back SD! Tag Titles to where they were in 2002.

Undertaker vs. Luther Reigns will in interesting to say the least. There is no way that these two can have a good match working straight. They’ll have to use a lot of interference and weapons and other fun. There’s also no way that Undertaker will lose.

Kurt Angle will wrestle John Cena and there are all sorts of questions around this one. The winner gets the match for the belt at WrestleMania. That match is John Cena’s, without doubt. The major question is the method in which they’ll dispose of Kurt. There are two possible ways to do it, and they both use Shawn Michaels. Shawn appears at ringside, he Superkicks Kurt, costing him the match. Or, if they don’t want to fly Kurt in, they have him show up on the TitanTron and distract Kurt just as he’s about to win and that allows Cena to get the FU. The end result is the same, heat for a Mania match, but one is really good, though it blurs the lines between the brands a bit more, and the other is weak.

The Barbed Wire Steel Cage match is interesting, as these are two guys that I could see letting themselves get cut up. Neither JBL nor Big Show is likely to spend a lot of time on the top rope, so I doubt that the wire itself, which is only along the top, will come into play, except for maybe one or two spots. They won’t change the title here, so JBL gets some help from his Cabinet and gets the win. I’d like to see Big Show do a big spot, but I don’t think they’ll go that far.

That’s all for this week. I’ll be back on Tuesday!

Talk about today's column in the forums!

Chris Garcia

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