Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere! My name
is Chris, and there was a serious threat to my wrestling
enjoyment last week.
my Amy alone!
They opened things up with Kenzo Suzuki vs. Eddie Guerrero.
They didn’t show Kenzo’s promo where he said
he was bigger than Matsui-san over with the Yankees. That
got him booed, though they obviously de-sweetened the sound
too to keep the hard line Japanese fans from coming through.
Eddie was mad over. The match wasn’t very long and
Eddie did what he could before hitting the Frog Splash for
They did a vignette with Angle, Reigns and
Jindraik. Luther talked about all the troubles he’s
seen. He came off really well here and I hope he gets more
chances to show his promo ability. The guys were thanked
by Kurt for softening up Rey Mysterio last week. Luther
and Jindraik then took on The Bashem Brothers in a brief
little travesty before the lights went out and The Undertaker
came out to a huge pop. He beat on all four of the guys
and that was that.
had a few signs lauding her in the arena. By the way, it
seems that unlike regular Japanese wrestling shows, the
WWE shows were filled with teens and twenty-somethings who
were the Japanese equivalent of American Asiaricans, that
is, Japanese kids who wallow in American cultural stuff.
There was a group that all dressed like SmackDown! superstars,
with the best one being the guy dressed like JBL. That made
me laugh. Hiroko talked about stripping Torrie in their
Kimono match and Kenzo got all gooey over the idea of seeing
it, which led Hiroko to hit him.
funny and weird angle of the night, Amy Weber and JBL were
backstage and JBL was showing Any the tranquilizer dart
gun that once felled the mighty Big Show. When Amy was holding
it, Orlando opened the door and JBL ‘got shot’
in the neck. That was funny.
Chavito got to do the job for way over home-prefecture
boy Funaki. This was a good match, and pretty much anytime
that Funaki and Chavo get to wrestle it’s going to
be fun. Funaki was super-over and did my favorite Tornado
DDT. This match was so good, you’d think you were
watching a TNA PPV.
and Carlito had a segment backstage where JBL was acting
like Will Ferrel in Old
School after the Tranq Dart. He ran into a giant
inflated Gojira. That was kinda funny. Orlando Jordan came
and said he’d take care of JBL, but he had his match
with John Cena and JBL needed to stay where he was. Cena
then beat Orlando, who looked better than usual. After the
match, The Cabinet couldn’t find JBL.
The Kimono match between Hiroko and Torrie
Wilson was better than most of these. Hiroko is a tough
broad and she did a great little spot where she saw that
she’s been hurt and she screamed and went right at
Torrie. Her make-up also got smeared. Torrie won and Hiroko
ran to the back ashamed at her loss of face in front of
her country people. Torrie then removed her kimono to reveal
many fetishes fulfilled...
came out after the match and had the Gojira and came to
the ring. I was hoping that someone would set up the Oxygen
Destroyer, but no. JBL then did a long segment acting drunk
in the ring, taking off his shirt and eventually stripping
to his boxers in preparation to take on the inflated Gojira.
The Big Show’s Music hit and he came out.
he got in the ring, JBL showed that it had all been a ruse
and he Clothes-lined him, called in The Cabinet and went
to town for a minute before Show managed to toss them. The
Big Show then called Akebono in the ring and the two of
them shook hands. How awesome would it be for Akebono to
wrestle the Big Show? I’d just love to see it.
Kurt Angle beat Rey Mysterio in a very good
match. I had the volume down for the early part of it because
I had to hear a David Sedaris bit about how the Dutch celebrate
Christmas. They did a lot of good ground work and it was
obvious they were playing towards the likes and dislikes
of the Japanese crowds. This wasn’t as hot as the
Benoit-Jericho match, but it got a good reaction. Rey did
a dive off the top and Kurt sorta caught him, but Rey ended
up going to the floor and Kurt the other direction. Kurt
got his mouth busted by that. Kurt worked Rey’s back.
They did a lot of solid work and Kurt got the win in a match
that I thought was the best of the night.
Decent show from where I’m sitting.
RAW was better, but that’s often the case nowadays.
brains make good eatin'
That serious threat I mentioned in the header was the near
quitting of Amy Weber, but she seems to have been talked
down. Amy was tired of the boys giving her a hard time because
she got all sorts of perks. I actually think that’s
a fair reason for ribbing, but the guys have to understand
the world these girls are coming from, particularly Amy,
who was a pretty successful actress. I don’t think
the WWE would have tried so hard to get her back if they
didn’t see her big upside.
As has been reported elsewhere, Christy
Hemme’s Playboy pictorial will be out in the April
edition. I’m not terribly interested, so someone call
me when they get Joy Giovanni to agree.
Lesnar is suing to get out of his no compete clause. This
is a pretty big deal, because I believe that the court can
decide that the seven years anywhere in the world portion
of the clause can be stricken as being too far-reaching
and that would void the entire clause. They are doing it
under Connecticut law, which I know nothing about. There
is the idea that this is just Brock’s way of trying
to get back in the WWE. The WWE has certain elements within
that want Brock back and want him back now. They could use
the star power and there are a lot of different angles they
can work with him. The sticking point, other than Vince
wanting to punish him for disloyalty, is that Brock wants
an easier schedule.
There’s been talk about Vince lately
and it’s not the type Vinny will want to hear about.
He’s getting old, he’s almost 60, and most folks
want to know what’s going to happen when he finally
steps down. His health matters of the last couple of years
haven’t helped any to keep this kinda talk down. Steph
is expected to take full control of the booking and Shane
will take over as Chairman from Linda. I’m guessing
that Vince will stick around for at least five more years
before passing it on.
What geniuses we are, mankind (not meaning Mick Foley, just
this once). We’ve come up with so many ways to pass
information. From developing language, to writin’
things down, we’ve done figured out how to pass along
what we think. One of the great things we’ve done
in recent years is the Wikipedia.
Wikipedia is an open encyclopedia that allows
users to edit entries. It’s been thought of as both
amazingly accurate and incredibly false. I say it’s
pretty good and lot’s of fixes happen right quick
when something stupid gets added. I’ve put a few things
in myself, mostly dealing with personalities in wrestling
and science fiction fandom. A friend of mine watches the
Wikipedia ever day and once a week announces the most frivolous
entry he finds. He compares the word length and the potential
interest in the general audience using Wikipedia to other
entries that get less attention. This week’s was one
that was near and dear to my heart.
Smark: the SMart mARK.
Smarks are a term that came about in the
1980s. There have been a lot of smarks throughout the history
of wrestling. They are the class of fan that I fall into:
the ones that know whats going on and still love it as a
program. We’re willing to accept the fantasy at the
same time as knowing there’s a reality behind it all.
Smarks are the Internet crowd, and the folks that keep companies
like Ring of Honor in business.
term Smark really came into frequent use in the 1990s, right
about the time that ECW started drawing attention. Smarks
were ECW’s bread and butter. When Brian Pillman came
out to taunt the ECW crowd, he called them all a bunch of
Smart Marks and got booed out of the building.
term smark has been used for years now, and you hear it
less and less. When the WWF went towards the ECW concept,
the term just began to be replaced by fan. More and more
of the audience is tuned in to the reality, so smark as
a term is starting to die.
reason it was chosen as the most frivolous of the week was
because while my friend was searching he came across a reference
to Swiss Banks, hugely important, that had an entry that
was less than ½ the size of Smark. He then found
that Kleptocracy had an entry that was only 25% larger.
Both of these, he said, were far more important…
Of course, he was wrong.
That’s all for this week. More next
about today's column in the forums!